Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize