VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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