You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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