let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
