'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
zippers are such a cool invention
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
