So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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