If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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