:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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