Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
