I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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