Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
