i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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