You're my little dorito
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
