even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
