Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
