the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We talked him into tasing himself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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