Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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