Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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