I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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