Im at strip club and am horny
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
