I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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