Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
