im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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