and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
