all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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