I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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