the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
