Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize