Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
