my being single is dangerous.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
