Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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