I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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