My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
