weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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