My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
two words...techno handjob
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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