So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
