I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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