Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
