I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize