The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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