Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
