You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
