So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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