Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize