Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
