im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
