the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
