Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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