I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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