take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
