I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
