I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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