dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
