i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
