You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
