In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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