I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
