thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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