How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
