Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
