Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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