She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
