Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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