i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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