I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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