I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
