I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
