New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
