It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
