nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
