Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
