You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
