OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just pee around me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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