and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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