I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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