I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
