Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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